After a Show

First I want to thank everyone who came out last night to the Hotel Utah, and to Ellisa Sun and Joshua Powell & The Great Train Robbery for having me on the bill.  It was an incredible night filled with fantastic music and an effervescent energy.  Meeting both Ellisa and Josh for the first time, it was evident they were both seasoned musicians and kind souls.  Ellisa and her band are about to kick off a righteous tour, and their performance showed that they are more than ready for a bomb series of shows.  Joshua and the GTR were in the middle of a tour all the way from Indianapolis and were only half way through.  Their stage presence showed they were hardly tired and the stories Josh told on stage of the journey thus far made apparent how much fun they were having.  

I'd like to speak briefly on my experience of performing and playing shows.  This applies to this one and to many more in general.  Whenever I play a show, there is an immediate rush of conflicting emotions after I finish.  Simultaneously high off of endorphins, adrenaline, and attention and being burdened with my own criticisms and sense of "not enough."  There is the euphoria of positive feedback from the crowd, the sweaty (on my part) hugs of appreciative friends and fans.   Always in these moments I find myself thinking various judgements, "man, your voice was really struggling up there," "you should've practiced that guitar line more," "shit! you forgot to say that banter you had practiced."  It's probably a false dichotomy that I thrust upon myself when truly there is great appreciation and absolute happiness at being able to have these opportunities.  However, the feelings exist and its good to confront them.

The strive to be a better artist and musician is constant, it hovers over me like Catholic guilt (thanks mom).  It both drives and deters me.  I know that I'm talented and that I can also get better, but being surrounded by the plethora of music and profusion of talent, it is all too easy to make comparisons.  These comparisons will either be the lynchpin of my success or the straw of my failure.  God that is just seeping with melodrama... But what I mean is that I hope that I don't get bogged down measuring myself up to others, when my ability is entirely self-decided.  

If I take a step back from getting trapped in my head, I realize that I'm still young and have a long journey ahead.  It's easy to feel like moments and opportunities are going through my fingers like water.  Though I'm certain that there will be a small piece of gold in there somewhere, just have to keep sifting.  

Thanks for reading and much love,